bad dream

I think I'm sort of living the bad dream. Steve died a little more than 2 weeks ago and I had a bad dream last night that I was dying. Steve was there, and I'm not sure if he was sick but I was dying and there were only a few treatment options and they were likely not to work and I had about one and a half weeks they suspected.
I probably feel like I'm dying. Many times I've thought I could easily miss something wrong with myself because I didn't want to go to any extra doctors appointments for myself. I have an appt now but it hardly seems important.
I went to the grocery store today. Just running out and needing a few things isn't easy. I cried at the store. They played Ingrid Michaelson, "the way I am" who iLike invited to play in the office and I walked up there that day and listened with all of them. I cried at the grocery store because of Ingrid Michaelson. I cried at cindy's because it was fathers day and we were all there without Steve. I cried giving Reg the fathers day card I picked for him that I signed Steve's name to.
I texted with George today.
I figured out how to see my iTunes library on the iMac from the Vaio. I don't feel like doing anything really.
I cry almost every time I drive because Steve loved to drive the Audi.
Everything I try to do takes forever because I forget what I'm doing about 20 times for each task. I had to take all the coffee beans out of the coffee grinder- luckily that seemed to fix it. Feels like everything will break now because Steve isn't around to help me fix it- even though both of us fixed things.
When you cry you lose your appetite. You also can't taste anything. Even if you cry when there's food in your mouth already you suddenly can't taste it. just fyi, if you need to eat, you should do it before or after crying and if possible not during.