remembering steve

I'm so scared I'll forget so many of the wonderful things about Steve. I see dragonflies almost every day now, almost always at times I'm missing him. At Cindy's on the 4th of july with all the family around I could see one off flying around the neighbors tree. And today I saw several at the Japanese garden which I took my dad to and remembered when steve and I went there together on our scooters. We got crinkle cookies that Steve and I didn't have a chance to get before he died. I just can't believe he's gone. He was so young and we had so little time together. He was so fun. I miss the times before he got sick when he'd carry me around piggyback and I didn't feel fat. I can't stand to think that I'd have to sell his scooters that he would not even consider selling and couldn't narrow down to just one.
He always wanted to share everything with me. Every cool think he did on his website. Every neat thing he saw or read about. The games he played. It hurts to think of times I didn't listen or didn't make time for him. It's sad I wanted to go home after his platelet transfusion instead of driving to west seattle- but we would have gone if it was just the 2 of us. We didn't get enough couple time together. There were so many demands on our time. I just realized a lot of our lost bond of closeness was just having his parents and other people around all the time- and we had to have people around to keep from getting depressed.
I know these things of Steve's are not him.
This is the hottest, driest, most sunny summer we've had here in years. I thought it was weird how sunny it was in may- that steve got a nice month of weather for his last month. So strange to think the beginning of may he was on the road to a cure and the end was the full year of closure. I'd like to think he had a mission on another planet since he did so well here. I remember how he walked through the halls of the hospital on halloween with the plastic michette that nic gave him making a slow moan and trying to look scary. And dinging his bike-bell while walking laps. I remember that he played ball in the halls with me (for me more than him) to have fun.